Monthly Archives: July 2011
Call me crazy, but I was under the impression that evolution is, in general, a beneficial process. Organisms such as Pokemon evolve in order to be better suited to their environment and increase their chances of survival by making it easier to find food, avoid predators, etc. So, say you’ve got a Caterpie. They’re pretty small, and they don’t have any arms, but their coloration helps them blend in with leaves and foliage, so that’s a plus. Also, their little stubby foot-nubs can cling to most surfaces, and they can shoot sticky string to entangle their enemies, which is also pretty helpful. Not the toughest or scariest Pokemon in the world, but it’s something I can work with. But wait! Just then, Old Man Evolution decides to come along and reward all my hard work and training by taking away its legs. Gee, thanks a lot Old Man Evolution, thanks for removing my Caterpie’s only means of locomotion. I really appreciate it. I’m so glad we fought all those Rattatas now.
P.S. You’re a DOUCHE
I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty broken up about BugJuice. For a while I thought about giving up the trainer gig altogether. But then I would be letting Mr. Suds ravage the countryside unchecked, and I’m pretty sure that’s a disaster waiting to happen. Also, Chuckles was at a confusing and emotional stage in his life. What would he do without me to act as a good influence on him? He would lose all sense of direction and identity, and probably he would run off to the city and join a Mankey gang that loiters under streetlamps and uses Leer on random passers-by. Next he would start engaging in risky behavior, objectifying female Mankeys, and taking all kinds of dangerous Mankey drugs like X Attack, Dire Hit, and PCP. As a trainer, I could not allow that to happen.
I know I shouldn’t be complaining, but after the ordeal involved in capturing Chuckles, the Caterpie was almost a dissapointment. I honestly felt bad for the little guy, with his big, shiny eyes staring up at me. But, I knew that serious trainers needed a lot of variety on their team. And after getting walloped in the ol’ ultra balls by a fighting type, I thought that a bug sounded about my speed. Plus, I could barely walk to the Pokémart without tripping over at least four of the damn things.