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Final Fantasy Mystic Quest: A Game for WEAK USA BABIES

One day, I’m going to find the Record Exchange employee who told me to buy Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest for the Super Nintendo, back when I was nine. He’d be in his early thirties, now. I will corner him in an abandoned alleyway.

“You said it would be ‘LIKE ZELDA!'”

I will shout as my fist connects with his mandible.

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